Yeh....I'm gettin' better! In lots of ways!...and physical therapy is helping! But that's not the real reason for that title. In the March issue of National Geographic is an article on the mind which starts out with the quote, "The Mind is what the Brain does." That is so amazing to me because it really differentiates a lot of the circumstances I'm faced with after the brain injury that aren't necessarily personal. Just because it seems perfectly obvious that I should of not picked up that small tree in the yard, and repotted it without help, doesn't mean I'm an idiot. It's just that I had this brain injury, head trauma, brain surgery thing happen to me recently! It's not personal to my mind!
I'm also not my brace....I realized suddenly after reading that article! It's just another physical restriction. My mind is where my conciousness is, my emotional processes, my inteligence, my creative talent (or so some think!), and my body is a separate thing. And, as my therapists at Kentfield Rehab keep reminding me, it's all temporary. And, as my mother used to tell me....and still does..."eat your elephant bite by bite". So, as I improve, I'm realizing it all heals in bite size pieces, eventually...I hope.
One of my occupational therapists has been trying to get me to stop, breathe, and think for a moment, before I attack a new task or project. It's funny that they seem to think of all these things that I myself can't seem to come up with. I do find that everything I see around me, that I'd like to get done, seems so pressing and urgent. If I'm on the way down to the carport to find a rake, I'll see that something else needs to be fixed and don't seem to stop myself, but dive in only to have some consequence glaring me in the face. I think even before the accident I would have been more sane if I stoppped, breathed, and thought about what's really involved in the task before I began. Suddenly I realize I could do it differently, get help, or delegate, or whatever to make it easier and more efficient. It's a beautiful thing...what I'm learning about myself. It only took an accident!
I also read something from Bill Moyers, Healing and the Mind, "families and friends can get in the way of healing and medicine, or they can become the medicine". My family and friends have most certainly become my medicine and I am so grateful to you all for that. Every day I am blessed with your presence, and wisdom, and encouragement, and kind words. I feel very lucky to be alive, but even luckier to be cared for by so many people.
Lastly, I found last week that creative activities really do help uplift and restore me to a better place. Playing guitar for just 20 minutes a day is helping me maintain a reasonable outlook on my life! I also took some more photos. All of one flower, but heh, I got out and used my tri-pod for this one! The first shot is me facing my dissabilities, the rest are me jumping out of that world to hopefully create grace! Just click and view!
Shawna is so right on. You are one of the most poetic writers I know. You really should keep on writing It's beautiful.
Posted by: Beverly | July 16, 2005 at 08:53 PM
Hi Mark! I think you have found a new true profession. Writing! I swear, you write beautifully! I love reading what you have to say and hope that your saving it all because it's going to be in books and borders soon! I mean it! Your writing is beautiful and comes from such a real place. And, yes....you are too sexy for your brace! Barely....I saw you this past weekend and it was like your tool belt. Well, I've seen tool belts that can be pretty sexy and I must say....sorry Melissa, but I blushed. You need a picture of you with your tool belt brace. I think it's pretty sexy!
Love and kisses!
Shawna
Shall we go to the movies this weekend?
Posted by: Shawna | May 12, 2005 at 09:03 PM