Hi everyone...that's out there still reading this! Forgive me for the lack of recent posting. Life has seemed to take new turns by the minute. I have spent the past 2 months getting back to work at the studio...be it all part time. As I approached Yom Kippur this year, I realized the realities of building back up my business right now are not in sync with our family finances/needs, especially in leui of the medical bills coming in. It's amazing how much change occurs from an accident like this. It has been like a stone falling in a pond, rippling out to touch everyone in our lives. Melissa and Beverly (my mother in law), have been effected as deeply as I have, in many ways more. I am so grateful to them both for all their patience and support with the consequences of my accident to our whole family. They have truly 'been there' and had many many reasons to bail, and didn't!
So, I am closing my photography studio in Sausalito, selling off most of my equipment and turning over the lease to some lucky person, yet to be found. Hopefully I can still do some projects from my home office. I do believe my business will never be as it was, as I am not who I was. Not just physically. My priorities and focus on life has drastically changed. I will never want to be that crazed and busy, under that much stress and anxiety (all of which I took for granted as some sort of 'expected' price of living/working) in my work and home life again. I just want whatever I do to work for my family, and to be manageable for me within my new capacity and abilities. Sounds like not too much to ask huh?
Before the acccident, I would just take on so much, as I'm sure we all do. But now I ask why. How much was I even accomplishing in the end. Was it so much more, if any, then if I had just structured my life within boundaries that I felt were easy, and comfortable? I think it is a lot like driving to work. We can rush and be crazed, not stop completely at stop signs, run a few yellow lights, get around some slow drivers, increase our speed by 10 or 20 miles over the speed limit. Do we save significant time? Do we get to work all that much quicker. Maybe five, ten minutes earlier? Does that truly matter? Only in our minds. No one else cares. We could leave 10 minutes earlier so we are not rushed. People are so lucky to be able to drive a car and get somewhere in just 15 or 20 minutes, versus the bus etc.
I will be looking for a part-time job now. One that does fit into my skill set, and new capabilities. I want to be involved more wiith people, food, and making a difference in our lives. I know I won't ponder over my past, and it's changes, or worry about what may or may not happen in the future. It's not the way I want to live now. I will simply keep doing what I need to do to move forward as a responsible person, with 2 kids, and a beautiful wife I adore, with each moment I breathe. I like living in the 'Now'...now! It's all I can effect. It's all that really matters. It's responsible for our world, whether we ignore it, or dwell in it fully!! Kavanah. The hebrew word for 'living in this moment', is also about the intention we bring to the moment. Positive, negative, love or hate, it changes our world on a moment by moment basis. It's hard to change it if we aren't present in it.
Hope you are all doing well, and please don't hesitate to write. L'Shana Tova. Have a happy Jewish New Year. I know our family is looking forward to it!
Mark
Here are photos from Lucie's Wedding in Montreal! 
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